I remember when your daddy said that he wanted to get a puppy. We were newly married, I was young, pregnant, and had just moved thousands of miles away from my family. I had a cat, Sebastian, who was my baby. She was obsessed with me, and I was obsessed with her. I didn't feel like I had any room in my heart for another animal. But boy, you proved me wrong.
Your daddy picked me up from work, and we made the short drive to pick up our new $60 puppy. I remember thinking that you had to be the tiniest, cutest thing I've ever seen. But the stubborn person I am, I tried so hard to keep my distance. I insisted that you were daddy's dog - not mine. But seeing as how your daddy was at work most of the time, I was the one who took care of you. I tried hard to fight off my love for you. But it didn't last long at all. You were so tiny, so cute, and those beautiful brown eyes just captured my heart.
As a puppy, you were just the sweetest thing. You were always by our side, and you sure did love Sebastian. I can't say that the feeling was mutual there. She loved to fight you and torment you, but you loved every second of it.
I will never forget the time that daddy and I were laying in bed with you on one of the first nights that we had you. You were laying right in between us, and suddenly we noticed little worms on our bed.....your poor little body was carrying worms. Off to the vet you went. Then you made several more visits because you repeatedly had ear infections. But you were worth every penny spent.
You loved being outside. We were so excited to leave our apartment and move into a house with a huge fenced in back yard. The huge yard wasn't enough for you though. You wanted to explore! So much, that you would jump our fence and take strolls around the neighborhood. That all ended when a pitbull decided he wanted to play and grabbed you by the neck with his teeth. Luckily, you weren't seriously hurt.
You loved to eat. I think it was your favorite thing to do. Every morning, you would come downstairs, go outside, run back in and bark at me until I had your food ready. You never missed a meal. Eventually, that started to change. No more barking and waiting impatiently for food. Instead, it would take you a full day to just finish your breakfast, if you finished it at all. You slept a lot - although you still followed us from room to room when you were awake. Your poor back legs started to give out, which made it difficult for you to walk and stand on the hardwood floors, and made it even more difficult to use the bathroom. You stopped enjoying your treats most days. You could no longer go for walks - and you LOVED going for walks. You couldn't even hear us when we said "go" or "walk" or "treat". You didn't play with toys anymore, or chase after daddy or the kids when they would play "fight" me. You just slept, or paced, or stared into the distance, looking so sad, and so fragile. We knew that after 16 years, we had to make a choice.
You started having seizures quite often. We had to start letting you out in the front yard so that you didn't have to use the stairs or the ramp. We had to carry you up to bed each night. We took you to the vet, hoping for clarity. We thought that we would be leaving the vet without you that night. But instead, we left just as confused as ever and brought you home, 5 pounds lighter than you were the last time we had you at the vet. We celebrated your 16th birthday as best as we could. But since you didn't seem to enjoy the things that you once did, it was hard to make your day special. We went another month with watching you deteriorate. You started vomiting more and eating less. We knew it was time. But we just couldn't seem to make the call. Finally, daddy called to schedule your goodbye appointment.
The day came, and for me, it was the longest day of my life. Your appointment was for 7:30 PM. All day, all I could think about was that it was your last day with us. That I would no longer be opening the front door to let you out while I let your brothers out the back door. That I would no longer be filling your bowl with food, and that instead of pulling out 3 of each treat, I would instead only pull out 2. It was a day full of sadness, anticipation, and second guessing my decision. You had a really good day. You had more life in you than what we've seen most days over the past few months. And you ate all of your food. You spent a lot more time outside than you normally do. Rolling in the grass, which we haven't seen you do in a long time. It made me wonder if we were really making the right decision. But your eyes told me that we were. You could see the pain and the tiredness in those sweet brown eyes. We could feel nothing but bones when we pet you. But it still did not make the decision any easier.
We got to the vet, and you were sniffing around. You weren't bothered at all by the other dogs around you, when before, you would have been growling at each one. After what seemed like forever, they called your name. Instant tears for me. I wanted nothing more but to grab you and run out that door. But I knew I couldn't be selfish any longer. The vet explained what was going to happen. They gave you the sedative, which you could tell burned for a moment. But I will never forget the look you gave me when the pain went away. You looked like my sweet boy that I once knew - your eyes got big and bright again, and you gave me that sweet smile. You were no longer in pain. A few minutes later, they gave you the medication that stopped your organs from functioning. Your little heart stopped beating forever. You looked so peaceful, just laying there. It was so hard to leave you there, laying on that table, all alone. I will forever wonder if we made the right decision. Or if you would have rather had still be here with us, regardless of what you might have been feeling. I feel guilty, like we could have done more to help improve your quality of life. But I am trying to picture you in heaven, pouncing around like you used to. Playing around with your toys, running, and eating all the wet food and treats that you want.
I love you so much that it hurts. But I am so grateful for the 16 years of love you gave me, your daddy, your brother, and your sister. I will love you always, Rocks. Rest in peace, buddy.
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